Know What You Want and How to Get It
Embracing the power of "The Big Ask" can lead to mentorship, unexpected opportunities, and even breaking into a Fortune 500 company. With speaker Brittany Lewis, founder and CEO of Growing Remarkable Opportunities with Women (G.R.O.W.), learn the differences between Ask and Guess Culture, strategies for making clear and effective asks, and how to handle both yes and no with confidence.
Brittany began her career as an entrepreneur through her own business as a Pregnancy and Post-Partum Fitness Coach, where she found that resources for women were sorely lacking. She founded her company, G.R.O.W., from the lack of resources provided to women in the field. G.R.O.W. provides resources, networking opportunities, and education to women, not just in Muncie, but throughout Indiana.
Ask vs. Guess Culture
It can be tricky to guess what someone else is thinking. That is Guess Culture. A “no” to your ask can be emotionally impactful. The same thing can be true if you have people-pleasing tendencies. Giving yeses or no’s when you don’t want to leads to bitterness, burnout, and resentment.
It’s important to set boundaries on what we’re willing to do or not do, and being willing to ask for what we actually want instead of having people guess what we want.
With Ask Culture, whether you get a positive or negative response, the relationship remains intact. Receiving a “no” is not a bad thing.
Corporate America is very much based on Ask Culture. Think about the last time someone around you got a raise or promotion. You can accomplish so much by asking. If you weren’t raised in an Ask Culture, you’re invited to boldly combat fears and insecurities around asking questions in the work setting. Start small.
How to Ask for What You Want
The two-step process to asking for what you want is to start with relationships and know what you want. Relationships provide the space for conversations and questions without an agenda. Your purpose for connecting can be as easy as “I want to know you and learn from you.”
Now that you’ve established a connection and an opportunity opens to make your “Big Ask,” be prepared and be specific. What do you want out of your ask? When the opportunity comes to make your ask, you know what to say.
Brittany says, “I’ve been told ‘no’ a lot, but I’ve been told ‘yes’ so many times.”
People who want to help you will know how to answer your ask.
What Happens Next?
You’ve made your “Big Ask.” What next? They’re going to give you an answer.
The best way to hear a “yes” is to expect one. But be ready to pivot if you hear a “no.” If you receive a soft “no,” try asking, “Well, what works for you?” to provide alternatives to your original request. Don’t close off your opportunities just because you haven’t anticipated alternatives to your question.
Having an exit strategy is also a crucial step.
“If it is a hard ‘no,’ like absolutely not, we don’t want to burn any bridges on the way out, because you never know when you might be able to cross that bridge again by building the relationship, or by situations on your end or their end changing,” Lewis says. “Be able to exit with grace.”
Maybe your next response will be a “yes.”
Fill your toolbelt with phrases like “I don’t know” and asking “how.” Don’t be afraid to be honest and curious. Allowing yourself to ask questions and seek out advice creates space to learn.
“Build a good network around yourself to build a lot of different kinds of experiences around what you’re doing,” Lewis says.
How Can I Practice Asking?
Practice asking by looking out for opportunities to connect and ask questions to others around you.
Authenticity – Who are you? Set a good foundation for future relationships and be your authentic self.
Vulnerability - Authentic connections are made through vulnerability. Vulnerability is a scary thing, but leads to rewarding opportunities and relationships.
Find people interesting – Try picking out something you find interesting or a thing you like. Maybe you don’t need to have a twenty-minute conversation about their shoes, but it opens the opportunity to meet someone new and interesting.
“You never know the kinds of interactions you’re going to have with people or who you’re going to meet,” says Brittany.
Ask questions. You may be surprised what opportunities start coming your way.
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